Fall Inspires Reconciliation

IT’S true, my favorite color and, actually, my favorite month is October. That's not just because it's also when I celebrate my birthday. What most excites me are the lessons nature generously offer--not the least of which is reconciliation.

You're probably wondering 'What is she talking about’?

The leaves turn fabulous colors. They eventually fall from the trees onto the ground, however. They don’t just disappear, many actually die. Their decomposition nourishes the soil, which in turn helps trees and native plants prepare for yet another explosion of color and vitality.

It a cycle of death critical to the life of the entire ecosystem.

Nature quietly teaches us the art of letting go. Release is a basic element of reconciliation—the journey through which you rediscover yourself and then another, creating an internal and external emotional and spiritual environment.

At Esther Productions Inc., we frequently speak about familial reconciliation. In fact, each year, in June, we present The National Reconciliation Week, which especially focuses on father and daughters. In truth, however, a family or a father-daughter couple cannot come together, until each person has reconciled with themselves.

Think of reconciliation as a more intense and consistent form of self-care. The best self-care is not just about the physical. In fact, it is more about the emotional and the spiritual.

But what does reconciliation--self-reconciliation--look like? What are the steps of the process? And what does all of that have to do with October?

Generally, fall instigates a slower pace of living—time for deeper thinking, meditation, personal planning and charting a new course on which to embark in the coming year. It is the perfect time to start your self-reconciliation process or to launch a reconciliation with someone from whom you may have been estranged but with whom you would like to rebuild your relationship.

To begin your self-reconciliation, do what trees do: shed, release.

What experiences, what thoughts are you holding inside that are not serving you well? Maybe you had an exchange at work that is still seething inside, causing you not to perform at your best or created an overall negative environment and energy. It's negative historical baggage that burdens us, impeding our ability to grow to bring light, laughter and love into our personal world and the larger society. So, let’s get rid of that stuff: Prepare a list of those experiences, reflect on each, meditate on the lesson of each and then, like a tree in the fall, release those dying, dead leaves—make room for the new to come.

What were the lessons you learned from those experiences, which left you feeling not so great? What reality stares back when you look in the mirror?

Go ahead. Don’t be shy about admitting what you see. It’s time to admit and accept your imperfection, your vulnerability. You have much to offer, but there are places where you are still rough around the edges; you’re still growing, still polishing yourself. That will be your state of being until the day you die. That’s okay because other people in your environment also make mistakes; some make way more than you. They, too, are vulnerable.

That realization should lead you to the third major step in any reconciliation: make amends, apologize, ask for forgiveness.

The first person who deserves your forgiveness is you. Stand in front of your mirror and say “I forgive myself for all the mistakes I have made.” You should forgive yourself for the harsh treatment you have inflicted on yourself in the process. You should forgive yourself for harming others directly and indirectly. Write down a list of the top five people you may have injured. Now create an opportunity, maybe invite them for coffee or tea, and ask for their forgiveness.

To ensure your self-reconciliation is planted deeply and will produce the spring flowers you deserve, you will need to change your pattern of behavior. You don’t just want to create a new habit. After all, habits are not always dependable; we break them more often than we keep them. You want to establish rituals for the season but also for the year to come.

A ritual is designed to seal you to the new person you are becoming. Many people attend church on Sundays. That is their spiritual ritual that helps ensure care for their soul, for their internal landscape. Some people get facials or manicures or pedicures once or twice a month; that isn’t just a beauty excursion, however. That is designed to care for parts of their bodies and in each case provides an opportunity for meditative relief or release. You decide on the ritual or rituals in which you want to engage. Perhaps it’s a monthly solo hike of a mountain trail. Perhaps it’s a journey through the art galleries in your state. Maybe it’s simply a Saturday reading favored book in a neighborhood park while feeling the glow of the sunlight or hearing the sound of the wind. Take your pick. The main thing is that rituals must be honored; they must be kept. You owe it to your newly reconciled self.

I may be advocating for a fall self-reconciliation project, but you can begin that process whenever you like.  “To every thing, there is a season and a purpose.”  Maybe your season is November.  It doesn’t matter. Just be certain to begin this very important process. Yes, you are worth it!